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     Question for Jelly Jam | [q] 2019-07-10 23:31
Ragnarok
CXavatar
JJnet user

Posts: 162
25
I was thinking...

If coffee is made of beans, does that make it a vegetable, and therefore one of my five a day?

Does the government want me to have 5 coffees a day?
Replies
Vivando
-t3>
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JJnet admin
Posts: 122
28
#1 | [q]2019-07-11 10:09
I volunteer as Jelly Jam's assistant regarding this and answer on his behalf that you can get your 'five' by having Unconventional Coffee 5 times a day as well. Any size will do, 1v1, 2v2, etc.
(This post has been helpful to 1 of the forumers.)
Jelly Jam
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JJnet user
Posts: 337
10
#2 | [q]2019-07-11 22:49
i like your way of thinking ragnarok my dear, i'm going to make this as short as possible











coffe beans, being beans, gets us to a shocking conclusion that we are indeed talking about beans









beans are vegetables









and you know what else is a vegetable








watermelon











watermelon has the word water in it










it obviously means water is a vegetable









and since watermelons and beans are related because they are both vegetables


























= beans are water















= coffee is water













Don't believe me? HERE: I have a perfectly valid .j2ass code to prove it

Code:
if jjOBJ(OBJECT :: BEANS) <=> OBJECT :: WATERLEVEL;
then
void onCoffee()
  jjCoffeePresets = WATER;
return false;
END


























a-HA! you just got ultra nae naed













the syntax of that code is intentionally incorrect and i absolutely know how the language works.












it's supposed to symbolize how coffee beans are not water, thus the theory that coffee = vegetable is incorrect, just like this code is incorrect!!



























that was my final answer all along
















you dumbdumb
















hihihi
jelly out
Jelly Jam
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JJnet user
Posts: 337
10
#3 | [q]2019-07-11 23:04
Also why would lizard people want you to take five coffees a day?
Yeah, that's right. I may or may not be a guy that believes that people who run countries are evil lizard people who control the world.

But, for legal reasons, that's a joke.
Ragnarok
CX
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JJnet user
Posts: 162
25
#4 | [q]2019-07-12 00:04
I watched a Youtube video where the queen of britain opened her mouth...
Except it opened sideways...
Definite lizard-person
SAMI
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JJnet user
Posts: 14
0
#5 | [q]2019-07-12 12:53
Lizard people are real.
They feast on humans and leave no trace so that no one believes the existence of lizards.

All hail Mark Zuckerberg, the Cyborg Lizard lord.
SirEmentaler
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Moderator
Posts: 126
44
#6 | [q]2019-07-13 00:34
I've done extensive research on this topic and I'd like to inform you of my conclusions.

Coffee beans are not vegetables. They are, in fact, nuts.

Coffee is therefore nut milk.
(This post has been helpful to 1 of the forumers.)
Jelly Jam
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#7 | [q]2019-07-13 00:57
teeheehee
you said nut milk
Ragnarok
CX
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Posts: 162
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#8 | [q]2019-07-15 09:18
from where did you cite such information?
SirEmentaler
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Posts: 126
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#9 | [q]2019-07-16 04:28
Like I said, these are "conclusions" rather than direct results of research, but I believe I can make a solid case for my statement.

First off, it's important to understand the categories we're talking about. When speaking of "five a day", we mean what is typically referred to as "five portions of fruit and vegetables". The issue with this wording is that whereas "fruit" has a very well-defined, strict botanical meaning, "vegetable" is in fact a purely culinary/cultural category that applies to a wide range of edible parts of plants. This distinction introduces some confusion; many people seem to believe that because e.g. tomato is a fruit, it is not a vegetable - in reality, tomato is both a fruit in botanical terms and a vegetable in culinary terms (which, again, are the only terms the word "vegetable" is meaningful in).

The word "fruit", however, is ambiguous. Like I mentioned, it has a botanical meaning, but it is also occasionally used as a culinary term to describe sweet parts of plants, commonly used in desserts. In this sense, tomato and cucumber are typically not considered fruit, but rhubarb is, despite the edible part of rhubarb being its leaf stalk. When referring to "fruit and vegetables", I would thus argue that we mean fruit in the culinary sense, which includes rhubarb. Otherwise it would seem inconsistent to mix a scientific term with a cultural one.

Now that that's clear, it's important to mention that there are several other categories of plant parts used in cuisine, and among them are nuts. This is another term that has both a botanical and a culinary meaning, but it makes sense to keep using the latter for the sake of consistency. In particular, many types of culinary nuts are actually seeds of their corresponding plants rather than botanical nuts; this includes almonds, Brazil nuts, cashews, peanuts, walnuts, and pistachios. Wikipedia loosely defines nut in this sense as "any large, oily kernel found within a shell and used in food".

As for coffee beans, biologically they are seeds of the coffee plant. They are "large" in the same sense as peanuts or pistachios are, and undoubtedly oily and used in food. The only troublesome part may be that they are not normally found inside a hard shell, to my knowledge. Personally, I consider this a technicality - they are still found inside a plant part, it's just that this surrounding part is soft rather than hard. Happens to the best of us. And if you take into account the travesty that is the coconut, you may be more considerate towards inclusion of the coffee bean (to its credit, even in the culinary sense, Wikipedia refuses to acknowledge coconuts as nuts, but it can't hide the fact it's still right there in the name). Intuitively, coffee beans also possess more traits we associate with nuts than fruit or vegetables.

The only type of beverage I'm aware of that is made from nuts is alternative milk. Most common is almond milk, but other types of nuts are also used to produce vegan milk, such as cashews, hazelnuts, pistachios, or macadamia nuts. It follows that coffee, a beverage made from nuts, is thus a type of nut milk.
Ragnarok
CX
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Posts: 162
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#10 | [q]2019-07-18 19:22
I feel that there are several conclusions I have come to from the outcome of this lengthy discussion:

• I should not be supporting Wikipedia with a £2 a year donation. Refusal to acknowledge a coconut as a nut is simply heinous as an act.
• Hyperion is my favourite fruit in JJ2 :3.
• This conversation, whilst insightful, has almost overlooked the key talking point raised by Jelleth Jammus, about Lizard People.
• Lizard people are possibly producing coffee from milking their nuts, and then convincing us that it’s ‘trendy’ and ‘cool’, and making a salary from us drinking their (un)natural produce.

ThunDer
CX
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Posts: 32
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#11 | [q]2019-07-20 02:31
I am utterly in agreement with all facts above.
(This post has been helpful to 1 of the forumers.)
Jelly Jam
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#12 | [q]2019-07-22 01:56
utter sounds like udder
Mercuryquake
rabbit

JJnet user
Posts: 3
0
#13 | [q]2019-08-01 19:24
Coffee is a drug, actually. Therefore it shouldn't be considered a food at all, rather more like a medicine. However, if you ate whole coffee beans, I guess that as a legume, it would have some vegetabities as well. That being said, beans are technically a type of fruit actually, although, fruit is also a type of vegetable.


"If it's in the game, then it's in the game"